Sexting, sending sexually explicit texts or images by text or online, can be a fun and consensual way to engage with your partner. It’s fun to feel attractive and to get your crushes attention or even to admire your body and someone else’s, these are super normal and valid feelings. If you are going to sext, you need to make sure you know the risks and are being safe.
What are the risks of sexting?
- Sexting makes you vulnerable: You become open to bullying, it exposes you to sexual predators, the risk of blackmail and you lose control of the images and texts you’ve sent. Once you hit send, your sexts can never go away and can now be shared, copied, reposted, and even edited. Think how fast videos become viral, think how fast you start getting likes on your new posts – this is how fast this explicit content can spread.
- The consequences are lasting: It may seem harmless or like a joke, but sexting can have long lasting impact, now or in the future. It may even affect where you can go to school and get jobs!
- It can get you in BIG trouble with the law: There are no nuances about it: naked pictures of minors are child pornography, even if it’s a picture you’ve taken of yourself. Their production, possession and distribution is against the law.
Even if you take and send an image with enthusiastic consent, it’s still illegal if you’re a minor. The criminal consequences for sexting can even impact your parents who probably don’t even know you were sexting to begin with.
- WWGT: What would Grandma think? Anything you send or post online really could be seen by your grandma, and any other cute and wholesome adult in your life, whether you want her to see it or not! If you don’t think Grandma would like it, probably not a good idea to share it.
I’ve already sent a nude and now someone is sharing it, what can I do?
- Remember it is NOT your fault: You should not be blamed for the criminal actions of others. You may have sent the photo, but you were consenting to sharing it with that person only… and remember, consent can be taken back at any time! It will feel hard, but try not to feel ashamed or embarrassed.
- Talk to someone you trust, like your parents. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents, LCIHCS is always here to help. You can also turn to www.needhelpnow.ca or www.kidshelpphone.org
- It is a crime. You may want to consider reporting this to police. Whether you take legal action is completely up to you, you know what is best for your situation. Contact your local police station on their non-emergency line and report the image distribution. If you or the survivor is under 18 you can make also report here: https://www.cybertip.ca/app/en/report-types.
What do I do if I receive a nude shared by someone other than the person in the photo?
If someone forwards you a sext or a nude sent by someone else without their permission, consent or knowledge – don’t look at it.
It’s not acceptable to pass along or look at images without the permission of the original sender. It is not gossip or entertainment, it is a crime.
What do I do if someone is pressuring me to send sexts?
- Say no (it’s a complete sentence and you don’t need to justify it)
- Ignore or block them
- Change the subject
- Don’t do anything you are not comfortable with
- Send a suggestive message instead, think PG-13 instead of Rated R. Just remember, even though you can be fully clothed in suggestive messages, they can be shared just like regular sexts and can have similar repercussions!
- Send a naked mole rat instead
- Remind them that you have a lot more to offer than your body
- Tell them another way you could show how much you care about each other
It is never okay to pressure someone or to be pressured in to doing something you aren’t okay with. if someone is saying you don’t love them or trust them because you won’t send them a sext, that’s manipulative and is EXTRA not okay. You are NOT the problem for being uncomfortable, the problem is them not respecting your boundaries.
Sometimes people will compliment you to pressure you in to sending sexts when you don’t want to – this can make it feel even more confusing. Compliments are no longer nice when they are being used to pressure you into something you have been clear you do not want to do. It’s never worth it to make yourself uncomfortable, even if it’s for someone you care about.
If you are over 18, please sext responsibly!
- Set boundaries in your relationship
- Consent is mandatory – you need it before you send an image (don’t surprise anyone!)
- It’s not sexy if you have to pressure someone in to doing it. Be respectful and drop it if they say no.
- If you don’t know them offline, don’t sext– they may not be who you think they are
- Don’t send anything you don’t absolutely want to
- Hide identifying details: Your face, tattoos, birthmarks, etc. should all be hidden or cropped out. The photo doesn’t have to include your face to be easily identifiable, your room can be recognized just from the poster on your wall.
- There is no such thing as a completely safe nude or sext. Once you hit send, you’ve lost control! Some apps will notify you about screenshots but they don’t prevent them from doing it or someone may use another device to take a picture of their screen and you would never even know.
We have awesome, nonjudgmental staff at LCIHCS if you need help. Give us a call at 1-800-267-7946 or text us at 613-257-1952.
More info:
A Quick Guide on Sexual Image Based Abuse: YWCA https://ywcacanada.ca/guide-on-sexual-image-based-abuse/
MTV A Thin Line Campaign www.athinline.org
https://dontgetsextorted.ca – Send a naked mole rat instead
badassarmy.org
draw-the-line.ca
techwithoutviolence.ca
https://www.loveisrespect.org
https://www.cybertip.ca/en/online-harms/safety-resources/
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/pressure-to-send-nudes
